Monday, January 2, 2012

the freedom of space?

Reading today about how someone who decluttered has more space to be creative.  She got on a path of 'shoulds' in her 20's - should have a career, a house, a car, clothes, furnishings etc.  When letting go she found a more creative life was possible.  Don't know if it's automatic - declutter = artistic creation.  I still like to have things around that hold memories.

The interesting part of her post was the career thing.  I think back to my very early twenties sometimes.  I was living in a little house outside of a small town called Aldergrove BC.  I didn't have a job, I stayed home and cooked on a wood stove, went for walks with the dog, knit, sewed or whatever I wanted to do every day.  I was in the country, living a simple life which was what I wanted, so I remember feeling very content.  I had no particular ambition - I was a free spirit.

don't know where this is, but it's very like Ontario countryside that I love

One day my partner was killed no let's be honest here at least, he killed himself.  And my life changed direction drastically.  I came back to the big city of Toronto and got a job to support myself.  Then a career developed, I found another man who I married, we got a house, and continued the good middle class materialist lifestyle of the 80's.  Job advancement, better house, BMW, etc.  Until I had surgery in 2008 I never had more than three weeks away from the job in thirty years.

this is the view outside my office building

I sometimes wonder about the direction my life would have taken if I had not changed to the career mode and I had stayed in BC.  Would I have been an artist?  or an organic farmer?  both have been deep desires of mine, pushed aside because I hear a practical (probably it's my mother's) voice telling me I couldn't do it.

I'm near retirement now, but sometimes I still just want to get rid of the stuff, quit my job, take the animals and go live on a farm!


  1. I hope you know you can do anything you want to - if you really want to. :) Would love to hear you're back in BC.

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  3. Your life in BC sounded simple and your words are rich and full of joy and contentment...
    My goodness what a terrible trauma you had to endure.
    You have made some hard choices and retirement is a perfect time to live life as you so desire.
    Life on a farm perhaps back in BC can be your goal.

    Best wishes for 2012!

  4. I admire your courage and honesty for sharing such a deeply personal and vulnerable experience! According to statistics Slovenia has one of the highest suicide per citizen ratio in the world. Yet we're only now slowly and tentatively exploring this devastating phenomenon.

  5. Thank you for sharing this.
    In short, I think that you gave the answer yourself, when making the question.
    Go girl go!